Rehab Redo

I was in rehab at the end of January for eight days. Too many drugs, too much alcohol, far too much indulgence. I left before my stint was over and I immediately got fucked up. I mean within minutes.

I spent the next few weeks continuing to ruin my life, but this time I kicked it up a notch. Or rather downgraded my entire life by using meth. I had done crack, coke, and all the others, but this one would have my life. I woke up one day in the house of a stranger and couldn't recognize my reflection. I drove home and immediately started calling detox facilities. I knew that if I didn't get myself help that day, I would be lost. I finally found a locations and made arrangements to check in that late afternoon.

Then I had to do what I had only done once before, contact my parents. My parents, who had be under the assumption that I left the previous treatment center due to staff issues and religious conflict. They were also under the impression I was no longer using or drinking as much as I previously had. My mother sobbed. She left work and came home immediately. I shut off my cell phone and contacted only my closest of friends, packed and headed out to reclaim my life.

I went through the worst withdrawal I have ever had. Convulsing, vomiting, coughing so hard I couldn't breathe. Headaches, stomach pain, bloody nose, and the worst, and best part, not being able to use to stop it.

I stayed in detox for four days. I then enrolled myself in an IOP program locally, as well as seeing a counselor to deal with the issues that caused me to become and addict in the first place. And I am going to NA and AA meetings as often as possible.

Some people don't think addiction is a disease. They think, hey, just stop already. But it is anything but that simple. Would I choose to loose my job because I couldn't go in due to the fact that I had yet to go to bed? Would I want to wake up a random houses, not know how or why I was there? Would I knowingly pick to drain my bank account of thousands of dollars to support a habit that will lead only to and institution, prison, or death? These are not the choices of a well person. Addiction is a disease and must be dealt with accordingly.

So what makes this time different for me? What is going to make it stick? I guess that would be the hardest, and most important thing that I finally did. I have admitted to myself that I am an addict. Hey, only eleven more steps to go.