Frayed

This is the email I just sent to a friend who has doubts about my attempt at rehabilitaiton:

I appreciate your frankness. But know this, I do not require acceptance of my life by anyone. I do not need to prove anything at anytime. And you are right. True friends will be there. They will not judge, or chastise. They will listen, encourage, and love no matter how many times I falter.

I do not count myself as inwardly dishonest. I know my issues. I face every day trying to control an addiction that has attempted to kill me. There are no words to convince and convey the depth of control addiction has over an addict. Each day is harder than the next. I don’t sleep. I can barely get out of bed. I weep everyday for the harm I have caused the people I love. And I will never forgive myself for the irreversible self-inflicted wounds. I do not tell you this to provoke pity. I tell you this so you may better understand my current state of mind.

Often, I feel only a fellow addict can ever know the true nature of power this disease possesses. Alcohol is the least of my worries. The fact that I have made a choice to never use again is monumental. Monumental to me and that is the only opinion that matters.

I have claimed my life. I own it. As do you yours. If you choose to discredit and abandon our friendship, so be it. I will not think poorly of you. Nor will I let it affect me. I consider my life better having had you in it.

Hopefully we will resolve to continue to be close.